


And You Give Me This Feeling  (This Everglow)

by herbivorenthusiast



Series: Promise you, for you I will [1]
Category: MXM (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Dongpaca, M/M, because it is not, hanahaki, would you believe me if i said it's not angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 17:08:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16179467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herbivorenthusiast/pseuds/herbivorenthusiast
Summary: Youngmin, the forensic artist was asked by Woojin the criminal profiler a favor for his `friend`.





	And You Give Me This Feeling  (This Everglow)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm suck at making summary, bear with it. 
> 
> (This is a gift for doing a wonderful job and officially end your struggling for years. Congrats, Dear. You know who you are.)

*

Im Youngmin, the youngest forensic artist and trained at the domestic intelligence and security service of SK academy in composite art. A talented young lad who turned a mere conversation into a living picture. A rigid man who was really cold and deemed unapproachable.

 

Woojin _did_ know him. When Youngmin made his first appearance in the building, the majority of women squealed in delight. Woojin almost joined them but not for the same reason.

Woojin rarely gave a damn about man because he always made sure he declared to every single person he knew that he’s straight, thanks to the Donghyun-issue. Youngmin was the only exception. Since the day one, Woojin made sure he befriended Youngmin and found as much information as he could. He also paid some attention to Youngmin’s godly feature—according to the female workers, not his opinion though—and kept that in his mind.

It didn’t take long enough to answer his curiousity. Youngmin was _indeed_ Youngmin.

Nevertheless, he stayed quiet. Never once he mentioned about the boy who stood with his head bowed amid the scrum of reporters in the picture Donghyun saved was in the same office with him.

(He thought it’d be easier that way.)

Woojin never mentioned anything about wat he just discovered to Donghyun. _Never_. Not even told him about his job because he always reasoned that their standard operating procedure banned them from telling anyone outside the work about what they did. Donghyun understood and he thought it made sense. Woojin didn’t work as an ordinary office worker. His job was confidential and Donghyun needed to stay quiet. That’s how he stopped asking anything related to the younger’s job.

When Woojin went home to find Donghyun fainted in his room, Woojin knew something was wrong. He knew his cousin was prone to be sick if he’s exhausted, under pressure, or due to extreme weather changes these years. He thought it’s because of the stress he received ever since he involved in accident. The used to be bright Donghyun started becoming quieter and he daydreamed often, which made their family worried especially when he even stopped playing his guitar. Donghyun and guitar were almost inseparable. His love towards music was the thing he shared with his mother before she passed away in the same accident.

But what made Woojin more surprised wasn’t the fact that he found Donghyun lying unconsciously on the floor. The thing he discovered after he carried Donghyun and tucked him in bed was blood was the petals scattered there. Woojin stunned in his place when the realization hit him like a thousand bricks: Donghyun was suffered more than they thought.

He picked up the petal. It wasn’t pretty at all and Woojin was shuddering when he found a blood stain there. That was the moment when his legs gave up and he stifled a sob by biting his fist.

Woojin called Daehwi once he managed to drag himself outside Donghyun’s room and sob frantically until Daehwi hung up and showed up in pajamas. Daehwi, albeit still shaking by the newfound fact, tried to think clearly and called his brother who was off duty and only two floors away. His brother rushed to Woojin and Donghyun’s shared apartment then check Donghyun’s condition.

Despite the lack of words Seongwoo had, Woojin could tell from his expression that Donghyun was indeed… _suffering._

Seongwoo prescribed him painkiller and speak to Woojin about some things they could do. Woojin promised the siblings he would do his best to prevent something serious happened in the future (although all of them knew nothing could help them at that moment) but Woojin needed an assurance.

When Donghyun finally woke up, he cried and cried until his voice became hoarse. The moment he opened his eyes and looked at Woojin’s swollen eyes, he knew he couldn’t hide anymore. He vaguely remembered how he sobbed into the younger’s embrace while Woojin whispered a lot of sorry in his ear. Donghyun cried even more because if anything, Woojin was really helpful and he was the stupid one, hiding his condtion and made Woojin blamed his self.

“Who?”

Donghyun stopped sobbing and silence engulfed both of them when Woojin asked about the person behind Donghyun’s lonely battle. He avoided Woojin’s gaze and sighed. Sooner or later, Woojin would eventually find out. He knew. Still, the idea of opening up about his feeling to someone who _partially_ knew about this certain person still made Donghyun nausea. What would Woojin think? What would their entire family think?

A man he always longed for wasn’t that ordinary after all.

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone and will bring it to your deathbed?”

“Hyung,” Woojin raised his brow and studied the older look. “That’s scary.”

“If you can’t promise—“

“Okay, okay, I swear I won’t tell anyone!”

“Please show me both of your hands,” Donghyun let out a soft chuckle. “Don’t cross your finger behind your back.”

Woojin grinned sheepishly and showed both of his hands. “There, Hyung. I won’t tell our family. Or Seongwoo hyung. But I can’t promise the same with Daehwi. You know, he could be very—“

“Persistent. I know.” Donghyun smiled, imagining how persistent Daehwi could when he wanted something. “You could tell Daehwi, only if he asked.”

When Woojin was ready for the name, Donghyun pulled the drawer beside his bed and pulled out a picture Woojin knew really well. He was more confused now. What’s the correlation between the son of the one who made Donghyun’s parents got killed in the accident and Donghyun’s confession…

_Oh._

Maybe it was Woojin’s horror look or it was Donghyun’s way to cover his nervousness but Donghyun laughed. He handed the picture to Woojin and gave him a weak smile. It was almost bitter and painful to see, but his gaze, Woojin swore it softened.

“Hyung, do you know this guy?”

“Woojin, if I didn’t know him, how could I cough petal everytime I—“

“No! That’s not what I meant!” Woojin cut him off. “It’s just… you always keep his picture, this picture… I thought it’s because you want to seek revenge or something?”

Donghyun was clearly amused judging from how his eyes twinkled. “Yeah, keeping a picture of your crush in front of the police station isn’t romantic. I know.” He paused to look at Woojin’s response before continuing his words. “But this is the only picture of him I have, Woojin. And please don’t think badly of me. Stop watching the drama. I won’t seek any revenge to the one I always…. _love._ ”

Turned out Donghyun always had a crush on Youngmin ever since they’re middle school student. According to Donghyun, he always loved to watch Youngmin. Youngmin was a kind-hearted person. He’s awkward and looked shy but he never stopped helping people. He was warm, always had a smile on his face, fed the stray kids behind the school building, and more things that made Woojin confused. The description didn’t sound like Youngmin he knew at all. The youngMEAN he knew was cold, unapproachable, and workaholic. There was no warmth radiated from his presence so Woojin almost thought that Donghyun described the wrong person. He managed to stay quiet and didn’t abruptly uncover the hidden truth though. But that made Donghyun misunderstood.

“Uhm, I know you may not be able to accept it since the rest of our family also responded badly at that time. But, Woojin, just because his father did something terrible, doesn’t mean Youngmin is also a bad guy. Trust me, it’s not because I’m blinded by love. I was also sad—I still am, because you know how much I always love my parents. But hatred won’t bring us any good. I just… don’t know how to fix the mess in our family.”

“Hyung, I never hate him.” Woojin scratched his head. “It’s just, I thought you hated him? Hyung, to be honest I’ve seen that picture when I cleaned up years ago but I was too scared to bring it up? I thought you’d be very emotional and ran to his house bringing knife and threatening him to die….?”

Both of them stared at each other then bursted in laughter. Donghyun was dumbfounded at how silly his cousin was and Woojin was just… dumb. He never thought someone would think he’d harm Youngmin in any way just because he chose the wrong picture to be kept near his bed. It was stupid but it’s worth it. He was relieved now, knowing someone understood his feeling and didn’t scold him for falling for the _wrong_ person.

“Have you ever talked to him?”

Much to Woojin’s surprise, Donghyun shook his head. “I’m a coward. Seeing him every day and knowing that he’s fine is enough?”

“Hyuuuung!”

“What? He’s out of my league.” He softly whispered. “He’s kind and smart. People love him. Cliché, I know. I just… love the idea of loving him. I thought so. But my feelings for him never fade away but instead, I’m trapped. It’s getting stronger and all I can do is creating all songs based of every little thing he did. I don’t know where he is and what is he doing now but if anything, I wish him anything but the best. With anyone whom he loves and love him equally.”

“Hyung, I know it’s not the right moment but oh my, you’re so whipped.”

“As much as I want to deny, I have to accept that one sadly.” Donghyun said in a quiet voice. “I’m really pathetic, aren’t I? If only I could confess and get over this feeling once he rejects me instead of drowning in this one-sided love until the end of my day—“

As Donghyun finished his sentence, the room became quiet once again. Woojin didn’t know how to respond so he gave him a light pat in his cousin’s arm.

 

*

As expected, Donghyun’s condition worsened. His hacking cough had become severe, and even breathing was a chore. Donghyun wasn’t able to stay at home since he needed an intensive care. That’s how Donghyun became hospitalized and never got discharged these two months. Woojin also spent his free time accompanying Donghyun in the hospital when he’s off duty. When Woojin was out for duty, Daehwi was the one who helped Woojin taking care of Donghyun. Woojin was thankful for his soon-to-be brother-in-law for having a good heart unlike Cinderella’s step sisters. He was glad he said yes when his father asked his permission to remarry his first love who happened to be their neighbor aka Daehwi’s mother.

Woojin decided to make a change one day, hoping what he was going to do would fix all the mess and help his Donghyun in any possible way. That’s why when he waited for the rusty minibus which would take him and the rest of crew to their first destination. That time, Woojin suddenly grabbed Youngmin’s arm and looked at him seriously which earned a questioning look from the latter.

“Hyung, could you do me a favor?”

Youngmin worked with Woojin long enough to notice how his satori slipped, thing Woojin did when he was either nervous or drunk. Youngmin was 100% sure the younger was far from drunk since they’re dispatched to do some tasks and the alcohol was definitely banned when they’re on duty. He was about to comment about his off pronunciation but decide to let it go since it was rare of him asking for help with that serious expression.

“Before that, are you okay, hyung?”

“Partially okay.” Youngmin let out a heavy sigh and leaned his body against the wall. He was about to smoke again only to be stopped by Woojin him right away.

“Hyung, it’s your five for today and it’s only 10 in the morning.”

He chuckled and patted Woojin’s head. His lips held a faint smile and his eyes twinkled, clearly amused by Woojin’s caring demeanor. It was not strange but Youngmin still not get used to how Woojin was the only one who still approached him despite his cold look. He stayed quiet, glancing at Woojin who scrunched his nose. Youngmin guessed he just smelled that cheap perfume mingled with another unidentified scent; the stench of blood, from one of the crews who just joined them.

“It was my friend.” Woojin started again with the same heavy sigh but this time, he speaked very carefully. “Have you ever heard about my friend?”

Youngmin scratched his head and gave Woojin a look he always gave to someone when he’s puzzled. He could consider Woojin as _a friend_ by how he always took a good care of Youngmin—who despite his cold and mature look were a walking mess—and Woojin always reminded him of his brother who studied abroad and hadn’t went back since last summer. Okay, they were close but Youngmin realized he didn’t really know anything outside Woojin had one sister he really adored.

“Uhm.. Woojin, I don’t know _any_ of your friend.”

“It was his bromance. A boy with a pretty face who used to come to our party once in a while.” Sewoon chimed in and took a space between him and Woojin. “He’s pretty famous in our office. He’s a man who looks like he just came out from Disney movie. Qualified to be both prince and damsel-in-distress. That’s how some people start speculating about Woojin’s sexual orientation.”

“Wow.” Youngmin responded awkwardly, not really sure how to respon the information he received.

“Of course you don’t know, because it happened before you join us.”

“Ha-ha.” Woojin laughed dryly and glared at Sewoon. He was too lazy to tell everyone that Donghyun was his cousin. “I’m straight, don’t mind them. So, about my friend—“

“Is he okay now? What is his name again?” Once again, Sewoon interrupted and Woojin cussed under his breath. Sewoon was one of friends that came from the same hometown with him so he’s pretty close with the older. He respected Sewoon. He did. But after what Sewoon did just now, he had this thought about smothering him.

( _Haha_. He was kidding. _Maybe._ )

The minibus arrived and their conversation got cut off. Youngmin thought he wouldn’t think much about what just happened but the description of Sewoon bugged him for unidentified reason. He was curious, not because he was eager to see this infamous person who got one of his closest colleagues into unnecessary issue but somehow, he had this strange feelings that the favor Woojin asked him was more than just a favor.

 

*

Woojin and his endless idea always put Donghyun in such an uncomfortable situation.

Today was one of the perfect example. Donghyun was watching the latest episode of his current favorite drama when Woojin barged in and forced him to move to the wheelchair (“—Hyung! The weather is good!”). Donghyun, too tired to argue, chose to comply. He locked his phone and moved carefully to the wheelchair helped by Woojin.

Instead of pushing his wheelchair to the park in the back of hospital, Woojin brought Donghyun to the vacant room which was usually used for meeting purpose in the hospital. On the wheelchair, He kept asking Woojin where he brought himself to yet he acted mysteriously and only responded by flashing his snaggletooth. Donghyun knew very well he wouldn’t win Woojin in terms of stubbornness, so he gave up asking Woojin about his agenda. Donghyun agreed Woojin was always the most stubborn out of his family. The younger often fought with him because both were equally stubborn and eventually, they HAD to make up because Daehwi came and threatened them to death.

No one wanted to mess up with Daehwi. _No one._ Even when the youngest wasn’t officially their family member yet.

“You’re not cold, aren’t you?” Woojin wrapped Donghyun in beige sweater, coat, a blanket, and made sure he wore extra layers of socks in order to make him stayed warm. Donghyun got a bad cold the day before yesterday and the doctor told Donghyun he shouldn’t do something silly like running from the hospital to swim in the new swimming pool which was opened recently.

(He did that a few days ago, though. Never thought his condition got into the critical state just a few hours after that. Did he regret that? _Nah._ )

“First, tell me about your hair.”

This was what Donghyun previously mentioned—about Woojin who often put him into uncomfortable situation. The park Woojin promised him turned out to be the empty room with a big curtain separated the big room into two area. Not only that, before Donghyun got to ask any further, Woojin left him all by himself and suddenly, someone from the other side asked him about his hair.

“W-why? What’s with my hair?” Donghyun responded with his brittle voice and then coughed loudly. _Silly me_. It was weird to hear his voice. It made him startled upon hearing the deep voice across the room. Donghyun squinted, trying to have a better sight of the stranger so he could guess who he was and whether he was one of his friends. The result was unsurprisingly negative, since the curtain was thick enough to hide the presence. Donghyun may not be able to see the face of that man. But the shadow behind the curtain showed him a lanky man, walking quietly before sitting on the chair with something in front of him. Donghyun wasn’t sure about what it was.

 _He must be older than me._ Donghyun drown in his deep thought. The way that man behaved and spoke, it showed the maturity Donghyun didn’t have. It kinda reminded him of his doctor, who talked seriously in medical room but became a pleasant friend when he’s off duty.

Donghyun must be deep in thought longer than he intended because the man repeated his previous request—for Donghyun to tell him about his hair. Donghyun found it weird and he’s this close to think Woojin just sold him—and their years of friendship—to a creep who had a weird fetish and fantasy about…. _Stuff._ If only Donghyun could walk, he would definitely get up and walk to the other side of the curtain then showed him _his_ _hair._

“It’s dark, long enough for a boy since it’s already covered my nape.”

But Donghyun did not. Instead, he complied. The room was warm enough unlike the corridor from his place to his room so he figured he could shucked the blanket who previously made him like a fragile cocoon and draped Woojin’s coat around his shoulder. His palms were still cold despite his attempt to warm it under the blanket.

“How about your jaw?”

“My jaw?” Donghyun reached his jaw and traced it with his thin fingers. It took him a while before replying to Youngmin’s question. Donghyun wasn’t sure about his jaw so he kept touching it, here and there.

“Yes, in case you’re wondering, jaw is—“

“I know what is jaw,” Donghyun cut him off before he managed to speak any further. “My jaw is... my jaw isn’t that big. Some people say i look like a doll.” _Or girl,_ he mentally added the explanation. “They keep saying i look like a girl even though i don’t.”

He let out a bitter laugh and he heard a soft humming from the one behind the curtain.

“Keep going.” the voice behind the curtain encouraged him in a nonchalant manner which made him a little bit hesitate to continue. He was afraid that his explanation wasn’t good enough or worse, boring or not interesting.

_Oh, man. Now i have to talk about myself and think about my looks._

“Uhm, i look tired. I always look tired.” He continued bitterly. Donghyun despised his looks so much especially these two years. “My eyes are always swollen... as if i spend my night with endless tears. I have a terrible eyebag... and dark circle. I rarely pull an all nighter yet i always look like one.”

“Hmm..”

“My skin... is horribly— _cough_ —horribly pale..”

“How pale?”

“....”

Donghyun moved anxiously in his seat and started licking his lips. He was uncomfortable and anxious.

“I can’t continue unless you tell me about your—“

“Very pale,” Again, Donghyun cut him off. That stranger’s modulated voice made him restless and calm at the same time. “As if you could trace my blood vessels with your finger in my  skin.”

“Hmm..”

“It looks scary.”

“Hmm..”

“ _Hmm?_ ”

“Hmm.”

Donghyun swore he didn’t like whoever the man behind this curtain.

“What would be your most prominent feature?”

Donghyun was startled with that sudden question. No one had ever asked him about his-most-prominent-feature before so that question got him thinking for a while. He thought that was weird to ask something like that, except when you’re an idol which was interviewed for magazine. How could someone ever think about their most prominent feature unless they’re a narcissistic?

“My— _cough—_ eyes?” He uttered in a very soft voice—almost like a whisper. “People say i have a beautiful eyes. Doe-eyed... like a deer? Bambi, perhaps? Do you know Bambi?”

“And then?”

“You don’t know Bambi.” He started coughing again then frowned. His fingers curled into his coat and somehow he hugged himself to fight off the cold breeze. Summer hadn’t ended yet he felt like autumn had arrived to ward off the summer heat.

The absurd interview went on for quite a while. There’d be times when the stranger who kept asking him about his face feature stayed quiet longer than usual so Donghyun used that to sing randomly. From the nursery rhythm to his self-composed song. He looked out through the window and realized Woojin was right. The weather was nice even though it’s still cold for him. The sunlight streamed in through the glass provided additional warmth to Donghyun. He stretched his hand and opened his palm, felt the warm sunlight in his cold and pale skin. Wanting to get closer to the window, he tried to move his wheelchair quietly, afraid he might disrupting whatever the stranger was doing that moment.

“Are you going somewhere?”

_Maybe it’s still not quiet enough._

“Ah, I’m sorry. I just want to look outside the window,” Donghyun stuttered a bit and laughed nervously. “The weather is nice.”

“We haven’t done yet. Don’t go anywhere.”

_Not even a comment about weather?_

Donghyun sighed. He made a mental note to smack Woojin’s head and promised him to never do something like this in the future.

 

If he still had one, obviously.

 

*

“I wonder if you become profiler because of your brain or you bribed someone influential.”

Youngmin just ended his session with a man Woojin mentioned weeks ago. Turned out Woojin’s favor wasn’t difficult at all. He just asked Youngmin to draw like what he did as usual. Since the morning, he was here, starting with Woojin describing his cousin. Youngmin had it hard since Woojin wasn’t sure about his cousin’s jaw, confused about his hair color, and list went on. Youngmin sighed. Maybe it’s because Woojin paid attention when it came to criminal so he always described perfectly when it came to that but he sucked, terribly, when he had to describe his own cousin, who grew up with him and lived together for years.

“I’m accepted for my brilliant mind, Hyung.” He smugged and patted his chest proudly. “I rarely paid attention to him, like, his detail features. I can only remember his general appearance. He’s not a criminal so I don’t have to study how sharp his nose is!”

Youngmin just hummed. He picked out his sketchbook and ripped two pages of it. One from earlier this morning, where Woojin described his cousin and the latter was what he drew according to Donghyun’s description about himself.

“So,” he stared at both drawing and frowned for a moment. Woojin caught the sudden change of expression but he decided to say nothing. “Did you really describe him right or you randomly describe someone who looks… ethereal?”

Upon hearing that, Woojin got up from his seat and approached the older. He didn’t expect this one at all. His plan was just let Youngmin drew Donghyun and he’d give it to Donghyun to cheer him up. Telling him that he’s more beautiful than he thought so his thought about how he wasn’t good enough or how Youngmin would never look at him because he’s _a potato_. IF his plan worked, he’d tell Donghyun that the one who drew him was Youngmin and hopefully Donghyun would get encouraged and wanted to confess regardless of what the answer would be.

“This man does exist, Hyung!” Woojin raised his tone unknowingly as a wave of excitement engulfed him. He took the sketched form Youngmin’s hands “He’s really like this! Can’t you believe it? You’re just one—“

“Did something happen to him?” Youngmin cut him off and his expression turned serious. “I know people tend to be really critical about themselves yet describing normal person beautiful but him…”

As he cut his sentences midway, he ripped another page of his sketchbook and gave it to Woojin. Woojin was surprised to see the sketch of himself, laughing happily with his sighnature snaggletooth smile. He believed he’s not that handsome, since he had Donghyun as cousin who was far better good looking than him. But Donghyun, the way he saw Woojin—it made Woojin sad.

“He’s really kind. He always sees the best in someone but fail to see what’s the best in him. He is a person with bigger heart, the biggest out of people I’ve ever encountered in my life. He’s warm yet he’s always cold in his lonely world.” If Youngmin noticed the change of Woojin’s tone, he didn’t point it out. Instead, he let the younger poured out whatever he was thinking and feeling at the moment as Youngmin kept staring at those drawings.

When Woojin thanked him and promised him to buy dinner or drink next time—since he needed to get back to Donghyun’s room and gave the sketches to him, Youngmin offered something that left Woojin dumbfounded.

“Can I give these to Donghyun instead?”

*

 Youngmin had stood up in front of the room Woojin told him. He was deep in thought, not sure about what to do once he went inside and personally met Donghyun. The drawings were safe in his bag and he brought two can of Donghyun’s favorite drink—Woojin’s tip. It’d been a while since the last time Youngmin would interact with a person, personally. Ever since he graduated from high school, he grew distant from his peers and tried to engage in professional relationship. At least until he met Woojin, who seemed not to know how to give up.

After gathering all courage he had, he knocked twice and pushed the wooden door.

“What took you so long, Woo—“

Youngmin rarely smiled lately but he tried hard to move his facial muscle and form a proper (and friendly) smile for Donghyun. The latter—as predicted—seemed bewildered? Frightened? Youngmin wasn’t sure either. Studying someone’s behavior was Woojin’s job, not him. That’s why looking at Donghyun right now made him confused as well.

“I come in peace!” Youngmin exclaimed as he raised his hand in front of his chest, trying to look as harmless as he could be. Donghyun, in the other side, still looked pale and about to puke in any seconds.

“I’m Youngmin,” He thought it was right thing to do to introduce himself first before scaring Woojin’s cousin any further. “Did you recognize my voice? We’re together this afternoon? Separate by a thin layer of curtain?”

When Donghyun softly nodded, Youngmin sighed in relief. He asked Donghyun with gesture, whether he could sit or not and Donghyun responded by pointing at the chair near his bed.

He was about to sit when Donghyun suddenly covered his mouth with his palm. His hand frantically made a gesture to shoo Youngmin, which made the latter confused as hell. A moment ago he was asked to sit down and now he got kicked out.

“Wait, what did I do wrong?” Youngmin didn’t understand at all. Despite Donghyun’s growl at him and how the younger seemed to be in pain, Youngmin refused to go. “Are you okay? I’ll call the nurse!”

“Just! Go!” Donghyun yelled at him and when Youngmin stared at him, he was shocked to see how pale Donghyun looked. He didn’t lie when he told Youngmin that he’s terribly pale. Youngmin panicked and stunned in his place, not knowing what to do. Suddenly he was back to when he was young, afraid and lost. When he should’ve had done something but he remained quiet. A clumsy and clueless Youngmin who froze in his place and felt like bursting in tears in any second.

Donghyun coughed and Youngmin’s eyes widened. He expected the bed would be covered in vomit or something gross but instead of those, he saw colorful petals. He recognized deep crimson red rose, white petals he didn’t know from what kind of flower since there’s a red stain on it, and other petals as well. Youngmin stood unmoving his place, eyes locked on Donghyun with a thousand of emotions flashed there.

The uncomfortable silence filled the room. He must had let his shoulders droop, or maybe it was his trembling body because he felt so weak and helpless. He was too tired to tell Youngmin to leave or even to lie down so he cried. It started with stiffling sob until the tears were too much so Donghyun sobbed even harder while covering his face with his hands.

Youngmin was still unmoving.

*

Donghyun didn’t know when he’s fall asleep but when he woke up, he found his room empty. The room was brighter without any lamps on. Donghyun sighed. It’s already morning and for the first time, he’s awake because it’s already bright outside. He used to wake up in the middle of night or too early in the morning so this was new for him.

_Maybe it’s because of the random dream._

He dreamt of Youngmin, for the first time since he didn’t even know when. He dreamt of meeting him, in this room, where he’s about to sit down beside him but suddenly, it was nightmare. He had to chase him away so he’d never witness Donghyun’s pathetic state when he vomited petals as the sign of his undying and unrequited love towards him. He didn’t want to be seen as unwanted in front of person who made him felt that way.

“What a wild dream.”

“Oh, you’re awake.”

Donghyun shrieked when suddenly the curtain that blocked people to see his him on bed was pulled. He froze when his eyes laid on sleepy Youngmin who was about to collapse judging by how he stumbled before successfully sitting on the chair beside Donghyun’s bed. He practically touched the chair with his butt and quickly got up and reached a glass of water on the nightstand. He filled it with water and handed it to Donghyun wordlessly. Donghyun, still bewildered with all things that happening, receiving it as quietly as Youngmin and emptied it in no time.

Youngmin took the glass and put it way before seating to his previous place. He stared at Donghyun wordlessly, clearly in a deep thought by how he frowned and how empty his gaze was.

“Mmm…, where is Woojin?”

Youngmin was startled and he didn’t reply to Donghyun right after. It took time for him to register Donghyun’s question before he managed to squeak out an answer. That moment made Donghyun realized, he may not be the only one who was startled and confused.

It was awkward.

There were times when Donghyun imagined how it was to sit before Youngmin. To talk to him like they’re close, or what would he say if he got to know him in any occasion. Donghyun always thought it was impossible, especially after the accident a few years ago. Donghyun once thought it’d be wonderful if he could confess to Youngmin and they’d go to same university and became _that_ couple everyone envied of. _A man can dream,_ he always thought like that. He found the whole situation he was in right now was funny because he felt like slapping himself to make sure it’s not a dream.

When Youngmin moved again, Donghyun thought he’d finally leave. None of them wanted to break the silence so it must be really uncomfortable for the latter. Deep inside, Donghyun wanted to tell him to stay. Because despite the awkwardness and wordless exchanges between them, Donghyun felt nice to look at Youngmin who stayed beside him.

(But his head said no.)

Donghyun was a man with pride, with an extra stubbornness craved in every cells he had. He hate being wrong because he wish he could be always right for his whole life. But this time, he was glad he’s wrong. The thought of Youngmin would leave was dismissed when he was back to the seat with his bag.

“Before you chased me away last night, I was about to give you this.” He pulled out two sketches he failed to hand out last night and put it on Donghyun’s belly. “The one with #1 was how Woojin described you. The #2 was your description.”

Although Donghyun still couldn’t quite grasp about what was happening, he opened those sketches and gasped. The first one was beautiful. Far more beautiful than he expected. Woojin described him like he was the happiest person on earth. His eyes twinkled in happiness and he looked… alive.

The second sketch, the one he described was sad. He looked tired and mad. Donghyun had to admit if he met someone like the sketch outside, he’d walk away and wouldn’t dare to approach because that person looked distand and genuinely sad. That might came from his inner feeling, until he always thought badly about himself and forgot the fact that no one could describe themselves perfectly.

“You are beautiful.”

Youngmin’s sudden remark made Donghyun looked up and stared awkwardly to him. When their eyes met, they found a genuine expression and eyes filled with assurance that if a look could speak, it may said something like `I’m honest and this is what I really think`.

“Thanks?” was the only reaction Donghyun could give to Youngmin. It’s just a compliment but Donghyun felt like there are butterflies, _no_ , a zoo filled with many animals, ran around in his stomach. He felt nausea, in a good way.

“No, seriously, you’re beautiful,” Youngmin dragged the chair to get closer to Donghyun and the latter found his grip to the sketch tightened. He wasn’t ready for the lack of distance between them. “I don’t know what makes you think you aren’t because if I have to be honest, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever drawn.”

Stunned, Donghyun was speechless for a moment. He opened and closed his mouth really quickly as he registered every words Youngmin just said to him. Youngmin’s words were like a verbal slap to him so he was still not recovered from the sudden revelation.

“I don’t really talk,” Youngmin rubbed his neck sheepishly. “You can ask Woojin how awkward I am with people since I don’t really interact with them but, I guess, let’s be friend? Woojin is my… friend. _I guess._ And you’re his cousin. Be friend?”

Donghyun didn’t reply to the request. Albeit knowing Youngmin was waiting for his approval, he tried to get up and adjust the bed so he could leaned against the bed while sitting. Youngmin was quick to help and for that, Donghyun mumbled a quick thanks with face still reddened.

“You saw me vomiting flowers last night and you want to befriend me?” Donghyun sounded skeptical.

“Mmmm…” Youngmin paused to think about what to say. “I’m a really bad liar so I have to be honest. It was surprising for me but not scary?” He looked at Donghyun’s expression before continuing what he wanna say. “I don’t really understand something confusing like that so I figure I can be an additional help? I’ll help you and Woojin to figure out how to stop your pretty vomit and I can stay until you’re awake like… today?”

“A perfectly absurd and stupid friend, and clueless, too, I get here.”

“Uhm, it’s just…. I apologize in advance but I might take this friendship for granted.”

“What do you want from me?” Donghyun was surprised. For someone who wanna take someone for granted, Youngmin was freaking honest and it was really weird. Never in his whole life  Donghyun met someone who showed him everything like an open book in their first meeting.

“Our first meeting?”

_Oh, shit._

“Did I just say it too loud?” Donghyun’s eyes widened. Panicked, because he forgot he’s not with Woojin who was used with his loud thoughts.

“Yes.” Youngmin chortled and the sound was really pleasing. He didn’t care of Woojin would tease him for being so whipped for this mand but he really, _really_ , loved his laughter. It sounded like a song to him. As cheesy as he might sounded.

“But Donghyun, who said it is our first meeting?”

Youngmin unzipped his bad and pull out another sketchbook. It was big and green, making Donghyun felt quite nostalgic because he used to buy something similar back in high school for their art class.

When Youngmin gave the sketchbook to him, Donghyun took it without much thought. He opened the first page and smiled upon remembering the place. It was a sketch of their schoolyard, with some students seen playing there. He flipped and went through the next page, looking at more familiar place and dogs—he remembered the dogs who was owned by the school keeper and also the stray cats. He was smiling through flipping the page until he stopped in one page.

And another page.

Until the last page.

His smile faded away and his expression was mixed between something he couldn’t pinpoint. Right in the last page, he found the small scribble under the sketch:

**_I wish I could always draw your happiness_ **

**_As I become the one who draws happiness_ **

**_In your life._ **

** EXTRA ** **:**

 

“Can I give these to Donghyun instead?”

“Pardon?”

 

“Woojin,” Youngmin looked really amused upon seing the younger’s expression. “You look more horrified than surprised,” he managed to stifle his laugh and continued. “Did I do something wrong? Do you, by any chance, think I’d be a great threat to Donghyun?”

“Hyung,” Youngmin swore this is the most serious looking Woojin he’d ever encountered. “How did you know his name? I never mentioned hyung’s name. Not even once.”

Youngmin seemed unfazed by the question. But still, he didn’t reply to Woojin. Not until Woojin looked like he was about to combust and torture him until he would give Woojin the answer he wanted.

“Chill, Woojin.” He sighed. “Of course I know his name.”

Woojin waited as Youngmin took a moment to make it more intriguing for Woojin (and he wish he could hurl a brick at the older because, _ugh,_ he’s puzzled and curious and about to rip his head off if his thin patience was tested any further—

“A man will never forget his first love.” Youngmin took the sketches in Woojin’s hand and flashed him a thin smile. “Let alone his name.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was in the class and my lecturer played this advertisement to tell us that we're more beautiful than we think. I just thought about Youngdong the moment it was played so despite my hectic schedule, i wrote it.


End file.
